Shetland-Aberdeen-Glasgow-London-Glasgow-Troon-Linlithgow-Troon. Plus the latest Beatcrofting radio show

It’s been a pretty full-on, five-different-beds week, involving a lot of running about the country using public transport, feet and a folding bike, all in the midst of the most extreme September heatwave for half a century. Back in Troon, now, where at least I can appal my cardiac consultant with the consumption of a double nougat (nugget) ice cream wafer (even if I threw away a good chunk of it: what a lightweight).

Sunday was spent at home in Shetland, then on Monday I caught the boat south, in one of the nastier NorthLink cabins (451, avoid unless the alternative is a hellpod). Despite promethazine, the vicious wee south westerly provided a corkscrew movement and bad engine vibes, hence little sleep. Not good, as Tuesday turned into a real marathon.

Off the boat at 8.00am. The 8.50 train I was booked on from Aberdeen to Glasgow was cancelled due to a signal failure. Then, tragically, someone ended their life on the railway near Broughty Ferry. I’ve worked with the folk who have to deal with the aftermath of such horrific events and the ramifications affect dozens deeply, directly and sometimes permanently. It’s awful.

The next train to Glasgow was halted at Arbroath and basically, the line closed for the rest of the day. So for me, it was a frenzy of overheated or icily air conditioned  buses to Dundee and thence (eventually) Glasgow, with a lot of faffing about in between. Scotrail, Stagecoach and Citylink staff were all very helpful, but it was 4.00pm before I got to the Dear Green Place. Which was grey and dusty

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I’d booked the newish Motel One hotel next to Glasgow Central as I had the London train to catch next morning. It is German owned and somewhat odd, if very clean, with comfortable rooms and really excellent staff. There are, for some reason, a lot of stuffed sheep in the foyer. The check-in forms are in German and there is some really peculiar art on the bedroom walls (or at least there was on mine). “Oh, yes, the woman with the flowers,” said the receptionist. “We have had a few comments…”

An ultra high definition telly, which we don’t have, so suddenly all these familiar TV presenters looked ancient and wrinkled. Or maybe I’d been beamed into the future. I was so tired it was hard to tell.

Wednesday morning I had breakfast at Gordon Street Coffee (dodgy, flaccid bacon roll; not as good as it was last time I was there), met my son Magnus and then we caught the Avanti West Coast to London, straightforward and on time. London sweltered and boiled. A pint in the ever-reliable Euston Tap and then off to Shepherd Market by Underground. It was like descending into the hottest tunnels of hell, but in the air-conditioned chill of a pub called The Chesterton we met Mag’s brother James, had a superb assortment of snacks and wine at Noble Rot, and prepared for the Guild of Food Writers Awards ceremony.

This was at the Royal Institution in Mayfair, which seems like a kind of slightly aggrieved stepsister of the Royal Society. Drinks in the library, which seemed to have been stocked randomly from several Oxfam bookshops and had no air conditioning. They should have had buckets to catch the sweat. It was noticeable that luvvy embraces were distant and curtailed.

Canapés, wine, non-alcholic cocktails but by this time I was wilting. Holy Waters, my book about religion and alcohol, had been nominated in the drinks book of the year category, and I had low expectations of winning, as it had already scooped the Fortnum and Mason Drinks Book of the Year award and two in a row seemed unlikely. Also, the Guild of Food Writers contains actual proper food and drink writers who take things very seriously, and Holy Waters rejoices in jokes and parodies that may have rubbed a few tasting notes specialists up the wrong way. Anyway a book about cider won. I saw Delia Smith.

Ah, you may say, that epic trip from Shetland was all for naught…but actually, it was a great, joyous, valuable  experience. Travelling with Mag, meeting James and the lovely Laura, Octavia and Emily from my excellent publishers Watkins, and at last having some Vinho Verde and spectacular cheese in Noble Rot, which I heartily recommend. Good value too. Sea bass neck – I think I’ll go for the cod cheeks next time.

Back across London, it was a guddle getting onto the Caledonian Sleeper, but with both Mag and me being train buffs, there was the considerable pleasure of a last drink in the buffet car as we pulled out Euston. A Club Class cabin has two bunks (this is the accommodation Prue Leith recently complained about at great length) and the smallest combined shower/toilet you can imagine. It was a bumpy ride back up to Glasgow but we did sleep, sporadically. “Full Scottish” breakfast in the lounge car featured a pink and red Lorne Sausage (everything is either microwaved or steamed) but the coffee was welcome as a gloriously misty morning unfolded. Lovely staff, but my advice is to go for fruit and porridge.

Thursday then: Glasgow to Troon, crash out for a few hours, clean up, head to Glasgow to meet my daughter Martha, then over to Linlithgow for a barbecue with Mag and family. Back to Glasgow, then Troon and bed five of the week. Six trains in one day. Thank goodness for a senior railcard

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On Main Scotland for a while now, as Susan has holidays and will be down shortly. Today, Friday, I unfolded the Brompton and cycled to the beachfront source of Double Nougats, pronounced Nuggets. Delicious. See above.

This week’s Beatcrofting show continues last week’s 70s theme. Though I couldn’t resist adding in the new Stones single, which I think you’ll agree is at least competent for a bunch of 80-year-olds. It ain’t no Honky Tonk Women, though…

Play it on Mixcloud here:

https://www.mixcloud.com/tom-morton2/beatcrofting-radio-with-tom-morton-friday-8-september/

Free — Fire and Water (live)

Canned Heat — Going Up the Country

Pat Benetar — Hit Me With Your Best Shot

John Mellencamp — Hurts so Good

Thin Lizzy — The Boys Are Back In Town

Linda Ronstadt — Love Has No Pride

Joni Mitchell — A Cas of You

Bruce Springsteen — Growing Up

Bob Seger — You’ll Accompany Me

Emmylou Harris — Too Far Gone

JJ Cale — Cocaine

Pointer Sisters — Fire

Patti Smith Group — Because the Night

Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes — I Don’t Want to go Home

Rolling Stones — Angry

Rolling Stones — Hony Tonk Women (mono)