Plus the latest Beatcroft Social radio show, with full playlist and links

The Beatcroft Social playlist and streaming links for 60 North Radio and Mixcloud go live at 9.00pm on Friday 14 June (after the show goes out on 60 North Radio from 7.00pm) are at the end of the essay. Or if you can’t be bothered reading it, here and here…

I married someone the other week. Well, a couple of people actually, in my capacity as a registered celebrant with the Scottish Government. Or to be precise the Registrar General for Scotland. It was my first attempt at a legal nuptials, and another wedding is looming in July, and one of the key factors, indeed one of the most worrying aspects, comes down to ink. Inky fingers, leaking pens, potentially ruined dresses,and possibly an entire day stained blue-black and permanently darkened.

The couple I married rceently are private people so I won’t name them or show any photographs (which were joyous, on the whole), but everything seemed to go reasonably well. There was just that matter of the ink…

You see, the marriage schedule, the form that must be completed on the day by the couple, their witnesses and me, has to be signed with a  fountain pen, or else it isn’t legal. This is because ballpoint or Fineliner ink fades. So will some kinds of ‘proper’ ink but not Parker Black Quink, apparently, as this is recommended and used by the Lerwick Registrar.

My son Magnus, a bit of a fountain pen aficionado, insists that ‘real’ archival ink like Diamine ‘Registrar’s Ink’ should be used and in fact I’ve just ordered some, as my bottle of Quink was given to the couple I just married; they were supplying an inherited fountain pen of great familial significance. It would, I was informed, be better than the Japanese TWSBI Eco pen I’d brought along to show them during a pre-wedding chat, and had emptied itself all over their kitchen table and a dog. Much laughter and scrubbing with Flash later, all was well.

As it happened, I brought three fountain pens along on the big day just in case: the repaired TWSBI, a Kaweco Sport miniature pen, and a very nice stainless steel Lamy, all filled and functioning, Quinked to the max and definitely Not Leaking. I admit, it, I am a bit of a stylophile myself. And it was just as well, as the family heirloom heritage pen had inconveniently vanished. 

I checked the pens I’d brought, and the reams of kitchen roll in lieu of blotting paper. No leaks. All well. It was a very informal wedding at the couple’s house, and so I laid the dignified, sober-looking Lamy out next to the schedule on a side table, and we proceeded with the public celebration and – I think very moving – legal stuff. It’s quite an honour and a responsibility, declaring people married. Binding them together legally. So much so that I forgot my concerns about the pen, the ink and potential for nasty staining.

Only when the bride’s fingers turned black (or to be precise, blue-black)  did I realise that the trusty Lamy had let me down. Not badly, and though there was some smudging, no dresses were ruined and the day proceeded in the correct champagne-drenched fashion. I wrapped my pens in plastic and put them away. Blotted the form dry and dreamed of typewriters.

Since then, having discussed the procedures of public penmanship with my superiors at Celebrate People, the organisation that guards the legality of my celebrancy, I’ve learned that Tesco do a three-pack of cheap fountain pens that Do Not Destroy Weddings. But on the other hand, there’s a very nice Michel Perchin Fabergé  limited edition pen on eBay at the moment for a mere £10,000.

But will it leak?

The Beatcroft Social. Listen to it after 9.00pm on Friday 14th May on the 60 North Archive or on Mixcloud.

Sunhouse — Crazy for the Weekend

Gavin Clark

Van Morrison — Warm Love

Boo Hewerdine — Patience of Angels

Patty Griffin — One Big Love

The Jazz Butcher — Silver Street

Hotels

Ron Sexsmith — Cheap Hotel

Peter Case — Entella Hotel

Joe Henry — I Was a Playboy

Willie Nile — Back Home

Chuck Prophet — Age of Miracles

The O’Jays — The Backstabbers

Philadeplhia All Stars — Let’s Clean Up the Ghetto

Patti Labelle — Love, Need and Want You

Spinners — Ghetto Child

Neil Young don’t like

Cowboy Junkies — Powderfinger

Gregson and Collister — For a Dancer

Jackson Browne — A Little too Soon to Say

David Lindley — Talk to the Lawyer

Friendly with quite a few…

Thea Gilmore — I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine

Lowell George — 20 Million Things

Old Crow Medicine Show — Paint This Town

John Hiatt — Long Time Comin’

Mary Gauthier — Mercy Now

Arlo Guthrie — City of New Orleans

Gillian Welch — Dry Town

Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings — Stranger to My Happiness