Thoughts on consultancy culture. From a consultant…

I’m a consultant

Come to my workshop, do

Come to my workshop

And I will consult with you

I’ll facilitate and enable

Put Post-It notes on the table

(Write on them, write anything at all)

Then stick them up on the wall

Some may fall

But that’s a good foundation

For a consultation

How much do we charge?

I’ll send you an invoice or two

But we’re paid for by Government grants

Available widely, it’s true

All you need is a short report

Something I can easily sort

Financed, with no fuss

You commission us

We deal in trust

The entire nation

Is in consultation

No grants

Without a consultant’s report

There are grants for that, though

I’ll provide the support

How essential I am

It’s a beautiful scam

And they line up like lambs

Heading for damnation

(Though first: a consultation).