The rumours began last year, on internet forums for farmers and Toyota Hilux pick-up truck enthusiasts. I don’t know if there’s a Darknet site for users of ‘technicals’, NSTVs (Non-Standard Technical Vehicles or in Russian Teknikos); That would be Hiluxes (or other imitative truck brands)  adapted to carry heavy ordnance such as machine guns, rocket, grenade and guided missile launchers.

A Toyota ‘technical’ is the vehicle of choice for revolutionary regime change right across the world , though not so much in Shetland, where they are (along with Ford Rangers, Isuzu D-Maxes, Mitsubishi L200s and Nissan Navaras) de rigueur for crofters and people who like to carry multiple sheepdogs and use pizza ovens willy-nilly. In fact, there are probably more Hiluxes per head of sheep in Shetland than anywhere else in the world. They outsell the other makes of bakkie (Australian usage) by a huge amount.

The rumours were that the super-reliable, ultra-tough Hilux was being recalled, initially in the UK, due to chassis corrosion, which didn’t come as a shock to me. My 2016 series 8 (first with an AdBlue tank, meaning its 148 horsepower diesel can cheerfully run through your Nissan Leaf-afflicted ULEZ cities without penalty) failed its first MOT in 2019 (I was stopped by the cops and charged) as the fastenings holding the body to the chassis had rusted so badly. I put it down to the truck having been used ‘on the site’ (the Sullom Voe Gas Plant Construction Project) where contractors were known to treat the vehicles…let’s say in a cavalier fashion. Who knew they worked as semi-amphibious landing craft? Or submarines?

Interestingly, all Toyotas carry a 12-year guarantee against corrosion. All Toyotas, that is, except Hiluxes, which are explicitly excluded. I blame Jeremy Clarkson and the Top Gear team, actually, for their infamous series of stunts involving an early HiLux which they set out to prove would still run and drive after being dropped from a plane, submerged in the ocean (I could have told them) and generally abused beyond any reasonable expectation of life. Since then, owners have doubtless felt they could do anything to their transports of delight with impunity. That Top Gear Hilux emerged battered but unbowed. Triumphant. Mine, well now. The aircraft plummet is still pending.

We thought of Hiluxes as invincible. There was even a poshed-up model bearing that name, fitted with leather seats and a chrome roll bar. But the uses they’re put to mean Hiluxes are prone to much worse wear and tear than other vehicles. Yes, they’re popular among families and used as domestic transport, but they’re essentially small commercial lorries for silage-and-animal carriage and irregular warfare.

Anyway, it’s turned out that some kind of unspecified manufacturing issues mean some – not all – Toyota Hiluxes are particularly vulnerable to chassis corrosion. Toyota have been very careful to say that there’s no official recall. It’s a “customer satisfaction campaign”. They’re doing this out of the goodness of their hearts, apparently. Not, in any sense, because they could face legal action when your chassis fails on a speedbump. Or retribution from disgruntled middle eastern warlords. You can book your truck (initially from 2012 right up to 2022) into a dealership to be examined. And if the dealer decides it is warranted (without warranty), your HiLux will be shipped south to Toyota HQ in Derby to have its chassis either replaced or cleaned up and, err…sprayed with stuff. Courtesy car provided for the duration.

Nobody is saying exactly what went wrong. Some later Hiluxes, 2022 onwards, were made in South Africa, where Toyota’s massive Kwazulu Natal plant was badly flooded. But there have been questions about steel quality and the rustproofing techniques used at the assembly stage.

Not every UK Toyota dealer has been enthusiastically co-operative with this process, though I have to pay tribute to Shetland’s excellent Jim’s Garage which has been splendid. I am now driving about in a 2023 Toyota Corolla GR Sport Wagon Hybrid which is a wonderful machine. Doesn’t work so well offroad, though. Or in the sea.

It’s not a Hilux. I swopped the Corolla briefly last weekend for an uh, Invincible with a towbar for boat-trailering purposes. The Hilux is a four-wheel-drive workhorse and the word is that thousands of them, throughout the country, are taking a lot longer to sort and ship back to their owners than expected. Mine’s been away for nine weeks and we’re now looking at Christmas for its return. This whole process must be costing Toyota millions, if not billions.

Of course, when the truck  comes back it will (should) be much better than when it left. And without cost to me (other than the repairs insisted on by Toyota before it left the isles; new sump, tyres, all heavy weaponry removed).

I miss the rattly old thing. And what am I going to do in the meantime with that rocket launcher I got off eBay for defence against Russian airborne attack? I tried fitting it into the Corolla but I couldn’t get the hatchback closed.

Here’s a wee song. Click to play. I would point out that absolutely NO artificial intelligence was used in its production. Or indeed, much intelligence of any kind.

Hilux, Baby

I don’t want a Berlingo or a Transit van

I’m strictly a pickup man

Don’t want one of those Chinese trucks

Leaf spring suspension on a Hilux

No Mitsubishi they always break

A Nissan Navara - that’s a big mistake

And anything American is just bad luck

Made in South Africa, Toyota Hilux

Sheepdogs in the back

With a shotgun rack

A rocket launcher if you insist

Regime change is right on track

No weak government is gonna resist

A Hilux baby

Toyota Hilux

They say they’re not as good as they used to be

When they’d work after weeks at the bottom of the sea

It might get rusty it’s a matter of luck

It’ll run forever, it’s a Hilux

They took it down to Derby to get the chassis replaced

Gave me a new Corolla but it’s not to my taste

Two sheep and some silage and it really doesn’t handle well

Those leather seats have a very peculiar smell

When I die you can do what you please

I never owned it it was always leased

Drive it into the ocean till the intake sucks

From my cold dead hand

You’ll never take my Hilux

Sheepdogs in the back

With a shotgun rack

A rocket launcher if you insist

Regime change is right on track

No weak government is gonna resist

A Hilux baby

Toyota Hilux

Copyright Tom Morton 2025.