Making plans for Nigel

Nigel Farage coming to Shetland (by private aeroplane, no less) for less than three hours was the political equivalent of a stray dog lifting its leg to mark its territory. He was dressed up as a gamekeeper and accompanied by Reform constituency candidate Vic Currie, who looks more AI generated in the flesh, if it is flesh, than he does online. Plus a couple of minders, presumed necessary to guard against packs of roving viking immigrants, high on fly agaric and wielding axes.

In the event, parking in pensioner  Don Whittle’s disabled spot led to a physical confrontation, Farage’s heavies physically moving Don, not known for his consumption of violence-inducing mushrooms, from his position of protest in front of the Farage bonnet. Bruises ensued, apparently A walkabout in Lerwick saw rival Labour candidate John Erskine  and a clutch of Greens, led by would-be MSP Alex Armitage protesting the presence of Nigel, for whom they had obviously been making plans, and placards. There was much shouting. 

“Pesky Marxists!” mouthed Nigel, not realising few if any of those present were steeped in The Critique of the Gotha Programme. Or thought it was something to do with Clan of Xymox or Fields of the Nephilim. After the shouting and jostling came the online grumbling: Green boorishness! This was not the Shetland way, muttered more than a few, digitally. Some discreet instrumental fiddle playing, tut-tutting, intakes of breath and sage shaking of heads would have sufficed, they nodded. Probably not the throwing of rotting fish or infamous fulmar guano attacks that hallmark political campaigns in the likes of That Orkney. They play rough down in the Land of Ba’.

 Is Vic there?

It was quite the day for politics in the Greater Zetlandics, as that evening, long after Nigel had departed in his private prop plane (interesting aside: as Nigel is the only candidate who’s actually been in an air crash, I wonder how he coped with the swoop into Sumburgh) we had the BBC Radio Shetland hustings. All the candidates turned up save 21-year-old Tory Douglas Barnett , who sent substitute (and Conservative list candidate) Jamie Halcro Johnston for reasons not entirely clear.

Is Vic there? (asked Department S) Yes, Currie was present for Reform but the tone was set from the word go by the SNP’s Hannah Mary Goodlad, who stated bluntly: “this election will be won by a woman. We just dinna ken which one yet.” Also the first appearance of Shetland dialect, or Shaetlan as a few campaigners would have it, though the reverse-knappin London-Shetlandese of Alex Armitage duly made its appearance.

I don’t intend to give a blow-by-blow account of proceedings, hosted as ever by Radio Shetland supremo John Johnston. For that, you can listen online for 90 minutes on the BBC iPlayer here or read an excellent report from Shetland News here .

Rocket to the moon

But how do the candidates stand at the end of a torrid day of argy and indeed, bargy? First the fringe contenders – John Erskine of Labour performed well, clearly inoculated with every approved Labour vaccine, competent and set for list success and an assured political future. Likeable in person apparently, as he was the candidate most of the others would feel comfortable on a long trip into outer space – a final question from  the chair related to the potential launch from Unst  of a space rocket, some time in the next century. At least Erskine along with other drop-in candidates Barnett and Currie, will have his own parachute.

Brian Nugent, for Independence-but-not-the-evil-SNP and Peter Tait, for bring-the-King-to-Kingussie (or somewhere in Scotland) both made the points they’re in this race to make, though Brian’s diatribe about how we need to retain our carbon dioxide or all the plants will stop growing seemed a little off-piste, to say the least. Jamie was there, and he knew it, to make up the numbers. Competent, clear and certain to get in on the list. He hoped being Orcadian wouldn’t be held against him. It was, but everyone was too polite to say.

Vic Currie was interestingly articulate and personable though he floundered on immigration at the skilled skewering of Labour supporter Karen Fraser from the floor and Hannah Mary’s grammatical pummelling over his use of collective nouns. Immigrants and refugees were not ‘them’ but ‘us’. He is definitely a real person. I think.

“This is not a referendum”

Emma did well for the Lib Dems. Clearly nervous at first, an over-deliberate approach became much more fluid and fluent as the evening wore on. But her personification of council failings wasn’t helped by her attempts to take credit for the SIC’s accomplishments and her achievements in nine years as a councillor.  Alex is an old hand by now at public performance, and for the most part avoided the temptation to grandstand and harangue. I was momentarily puzzled at first by his claim that the pregnant woman he’d met on a doorstep had promised both her votes to the Greens. Did those with child have two votes? But then I remembered the Arbuthnott Commission. Additional Members On the List! Why Alex is not further up the Green list for the Highlands and Islands is probably down to that party’s vicious structural infighting, though I always suspected Dr Armitage wasn’t really a Scottish Green, pally as he is with that breast-enlargement hypnotist guy in London. Though Alex did come out firmly in favour of independence during the debate.

That leaves HMG. Her assured command of facts and figures is hugely impressive and she was the only one of the candidates who made proper sense on the vexed question of tunnels to Shetland’s outer isles. She knows there are enormous geological problems (being a geologist, she would). She’s an energy specialist with specific solutions to some of Shetland’s issues regarding transitions to renewables. She knows that repetition works in politics and that her “a seat at the table, not out in the corridor”  trope works. And works. And she is overtly pushing attention away from the SNP’s independence referendum plans, viz.

“This election is about who will be the best candidate to represent Shetland. This is not a referendum. If there is a future referendum folk can make up their democratic mind.” And as far as her leader John Swinney’s claim that there will be a referendum in 18 months or so, well: “2028 seems overly ambitious to me.”

The Grimond factor and candyfloss fishing nets

How will it pan out on 7 May? The sizable rump of traditional, elderly Shetland Lib Dem support shouldn’t be underestimated, and despite the poise and confidence of HMG I know there is caution in her camp. The Greens will probably come third and their youth vote could skew things in favour of Emma. But while Emma wrote a perfectly fine piece for the Shetland Times this week, Hannah Mary had two entire paid-for pages of photographic endorsements in the paper from local folk across the social, political, geographical and business spectrum. Including at least one senior Labour member flirting with party discipline to do so, along with erstwhile Tories and Libocrats.

HMG has momentum. She has social media sewn up and is out and about on the streets and on the doorsteps as much as Emma. She doesn’t park in disabled bays. But is that enough to overcome an intrinsic local bias against the SNP and its Edinburgh centralism? And a deep-seated sense of gratitude to the late Jo Grimond for allowing people in Yell  and Unst to drive cars that don’t need MOTs or tax discs? Not to mention the campaigning clout of Alistair Carmichael, Orkney and Shetland Lib Dem MP, who appears to be masterminding Emma’s campaign. Quotes of the week come from him: “Nigel Farage is about as much use to our fishermen as a candy-floss trawler net.” And as for those parachute candidates: “Politicians like these are all-too happy to arrive with a bang and big rhetoric during election season – then skulk away like a Russian sub once the ballot boxes are packed away.”

Except those Russian subs are still out there, Alistair…