Phew! Teeth have been gnashed, tushkers brandished and fiddle necks splintered this week as the Holyrood campaign in Shetland reached a Rayburn chimney-fire of heat. There has been nothing nasty like it in the isles since those pesky pirates buried a fellow crew member up to the neck on the shores of North Roe and watched the scorries peck his eyes out!  Since Jimmy Saville and Dennis Nielsen trawled the isles for victims! Since the Royal Navy shot a spy for treason during World War One and buried him in an unmarked Muckle Roe grave! Since Samuel Pepys’s war crime back in 1674, when the Royal Navy (again) murdered 300 Dutch sailors just down from our house…

And what has been happening on the northernmost campaign trail? There has  been bellowing on the boulevards of Lerwick, as previously reported, and drunken imprecations on the Bressay ferry (again)! What has happened to our nice, friendly, stab-only-in-the-back-and-very-quietly politics?

The online grumblings about Nigel Farage’s visit rumbled into last weekend, when on a late-night ferry trip from the Kingdom of Bressay to Lerwick, an unidentified rugger type was seen and heard addressing our Dear Green candidate, Alex Armitage, with shouts of ‘Heil Hitler.’ There were objections. An angry badminton (or possibly squash) player had to be restrained, allegedly, from a full-on hand-off.

Why did the rugbyist use this phrase? Was it in reference to the Green movement’s origins in the pre-Nazi eco-rantings of xenophobic German Nationalist Ernst Arndt? Did it represent this particular rugperson’s personal fascist leanings? Or did he see in Dr Armitage a kind of authoritarian stance and wish to parody it? As indeed, in those far-off pre-video Shetland Islands Council days, a councillor once did, complete with Nazi salute, to a convener he believed had acted unfairly towards him?  Or was it possibly because a great deal of Watson’s Rum, tattie soup and Superlager had been consumed at the Maryfield? Anyway it all hit the social media outlets and then the local press, provoking even more angst about the personal abuse  candidates appear to be suffering during this campaign. This is not “The Shetland Way”… 

In fact, forthright debate and  sometimes extremely robust personal fulmination used to appear regularly in what was once the only outlet  for such discourse, the Our Readers Views pages of The Shetland Times. Occasionally followed, but not often, by front page apologies or terse clarifications. As a former news editor, I can tell you that the letters page was policed with extraordinary rigour: all correspondents had to provide names and addresses and these were checked for validity on the voter’s roll before publication. Anonymity was not permitted though strenuous attempts to  get round this were attempted and mostly foiled.

And there have been very public demonstrations in the past, notably in September 1967, when a Labour Government was proposing the amalgamation of Orkney, Shetland and Sutherland councils. With Secretary of State for Scotland Willie Ross arriving in the isles for top level discussions, there was a genuine upsurge of fury, especially among the young, and  local students decided to take took direct action on a number of fronts. Hey, it was the 60s! There was a local band called The Sons of Darkness! Burns Bison basses and Vox AC30s were just beginning to stalk the Land of Bog! Male hair was lengthy, jeans were flared and cloth was cheesey.

Led by future Shetland Times editor, former Labour candidate and now fervid Nationalist Jonathan Wills, one group of students, in more or less military dress (though with cardboard axes, steel helmets, and convincingly fake rifles) set up a roadblock on the main road at Channerwick. The home-for-the-holidays brigands stopped Mr Ross’s taxi as it approached from the airport (a police escort had shot ahead, unheeding) demanding that he fill in ‘customs forms’ for his visit to Greater Zetland. The Secretary of State was distinctly unamused. Particularly as The Scotsman newspaper was in attendance, complete with snapper. 

Later, Mr Ross’s car met another demonstration, led by Ian Anderson (now of Shetland Islands Broadcasting Company fame) who was also involved in attempting to set up a pirate radio station to broadcast anti-amalgamation propaganda. Equipment was secured, along with a fishing boat in which the pirates planned to head out beyond the three-mile limit and start beaming back Grateful Dead tunes and witty fury about Willie Ross (by this time there was a campaign –  slogan, “Willie Ross – Dead Loss”.) Sandy Cluness, then heading the Shetland Council of Social Services, was almost on board but worried about the legality. There was no radio station until the following summer holidays, says Ian: 

“We ran a radio station the following summer holidays (1968) playing Country Joe and the Fish, Phil Ochs, Pink Floyd, Incredible String Band, Dylan, The Misunderstood, Big Brother and the Holding Company and The Electric Prunes.  We definitely had six listeners!” Golden days!

Back in September 1967, with Willie Ross overnighting aboard the fisheries protection vessel Norna, Jonathan, with Roy and Alan Langmuir, took a dinghy out to plaster the words WILLIE ROSS-DEAD LOSS on the ship’s side.  A marine armed with a machine gun took an interest. The rapscallions scarpered. Shots were not fired.

All of this was then publicly condemned by the Liberal establishment of the day as “not the Shetland way” though in fact much of the plotting was at the instigation of Basil Wishart (father of Beatrice, retiring MSP) and other toonie Liberal cronies.

And of course, the local authority amalgamation did not take place, at least not then and not with regard to Orkney and Shetland. 

All of which perhaps goes to show that political feelings in Shetland can run high enough to provoke direct action, and always have. I mean, next thing you’ll have people rolling burning tar barrels down Commercial Street and into the doorways of business owners accused of exploiting their customers.

Not that such a thing could ever happen here.

Hey Donny! Yes, it’s Johnny here. Any news on that Strait of Hormuz thing?

Meanwhile…

First minister John Swinney, who turned up in Shetland this week for his third electoral visit in nine months was not mobbed by angry unionists screaming anti-Nat abuse, though he did nearly cause me to crash the HiLux into the old post office. The unaccustomed sunlight reflecting off his polished cranium as he was interviewed at the Small Boat Harbour by a clutch of hacks was a serious traffic hazard. 

I am old enough to remember him when he had a carefully-slicked back near-head of hair, though the shaven-headed look is probably more efficient. Ah, those hair-gel 1980s! Didn’t go well with hats, as I recall. Messy. Or with prowling seagulls.

Mr Swinney received a polite, friendly welcome as he accompanied SNP candidate Hannah Mary Goodlad on a Lerwick walkabout and a bit of (allegedly pre-prepared) redding-up of sea litter in Scalloway. And it was Shetland’s Second city he was telephoned, apparently, by one Donald Trump, president of the USA, who you’d have thought had other more pressing matters to deal with than issuing personal invitations to a dinner in London. But then, maybe he’s desperate. Maybe nobody wants to sit next to him. Maybe he wanted a ticket for the coronation of HMG.

I presume this was a call to Mr Swinney’s mobile, rather than the result of phoning around Scalloway trying to track him down. I can just imagine Ian Scott picking up the Scalloway Boating Club receiver. “No, he’s not here. But if you fancy nine holes at Asta this afternoon, we can talk about your demented, murderous Middle East polices while you cheat your way around the course…”

Heaping praise as he did on Hannah Mary, there was a wee indication from the First Minister that HMG’s public veering away from SNP Government policy on a future referendum and other matters will not be acceptable. Mr Swinney “could see no reason” why there shouldn’t be another vote in 2028, something HMG has questioned, and I wonder if that’s a little warning that actually, Hannah Mary will have to DO WHAT SHE’S TOLD at Holyrood, should she win the seat on 7 May.

Perhaps HMG should have a word with the excellent Kate Forbes, as the ‘Forbes factor’ surely needs to be taken into account. Kate Forbes, stepping down as an MSP, was the SNP’s previous golden girl. Ferociously bright, sophisticated, articulate and ambitious, she held several senior posts including deputy first minister, and was set to lead the party. Had she not fallen foul of a truly disgusting campaign of vilification based on her religious faith, cultural background and refusal to bend the knee to the SNP’s gender warriors. Jacob Rees-Mogg, no less, says it was the worst case of religious political discrimination since Mary Queen of Scots. Though I think Kate is more on the John Knox side of things, to be honest.

But maybe there’s a lesson there. “Who does this clever-clogs woman from the Highlands and Islands think she is, coming here and telling us we can’t have a referendum? She’ll soon learn…”